I'm tired of doing the right thing. I want to do the wrong thing.
I want to be the person you flip off as I drive to the front of the line of cars and cut in. I want to be the a**hole talking loudly on his cell phone while you try to read. I want to be the mother who treats the restaurant as if it's her child's day care center. I want you to "shhhh" me as I talk during the movie. I want to be the neighbor who burns yard waste on Sundays and violates water restrictions. I yearn to be the person who doesn't pay for trash service and instead throws a diaper-laden bag in the middle of a busy street. I want to be the person who lets his dog run off leash and then leaves its sh*t on the path. I want to get out of my seat before the plane comes to a complete stop. I want to stand at the front of the bus instead of moving back to let other people get on. I want my bags to occupy the seat you could be sitting in. I want to have more than 10 items in the express checkout lane...and then write a check. I want to find a wallet with lots of money in it and keep it. I want to be the one who doesn't flush the toilet in the mall restroom. I want to yell at the person behind the counter just so that I can get my way. I want to dump my ash tray in the parking lot, flick cigarette butts on others' lawns, and leave trash from McDonald's in the gutter. I want to store both carry-ons in the overhead bin.
But I won't. I won't do any of that because it wouldn't be the right thing to do.
I want to work in a cubicle environment, have a cell phone, turn the volume on the ringer all the way up, choose the most annoying ring tone ever, have kids who call me every five minutes, leave the cell phone on my desk, and then go to a two hour meeting.
ReplyDelete"I want to work in a cubicle environment, have a cell phone, turn the volume on the ringer all the way up, choose the most annoying ring tone ever, have kids who call me every five minutes, leave the cell phone on my desk, and then go to a two hour meeting."
ReplyDeleteI want that job too, but I don't want to leave for a meeting. I want to stay and argue on the phone with my kids every time they call in my most high pitched whiny voice. Then I want to complain to my co-workers about hard my life is and then while I surf the web, read chain emails with inspirational prayers, and IM my mother I'll go on about how I'm just so busy I can't get my work done.
I think Eartha Kitt may have had similar notions:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQ5VaBgXzuM
There is an old souther comic named Jerry Clower I believe, who was also lamenting the fact that people like this exist in the world. He came to the conclusion that as these people continue to progagate the only recourse that the rest of humanity will have is to make it legal and acceptable to walk up to these people and slap them in the head. I sit quietly stewing, waiting for that day to arrive.
ReplyDelete