Bumper Sticker Tirade

I'd like to comment on several bumper stickers I'm forced to endure on a seemingly daily basis:

Hey, bicyclists, if you want me to share the road with you then you need to follow the same rules of the road as I do with my car. That includes not shooting through stop signs and red lights, riding single-file (I mean, we learned that in elementary school!) and using hand signals when you plan to turn or cut into the other lane. When I was riding all over Austin (one of the least bicycle-friendly cities around; trust me, the streets of Chicago are safer!) I took the time to actually read what my rights were as a bicyclist, and the law was quite clear: follow the rules of the road. And that's what I did. I stopped at every stop sign, waited for the light to turn green, rode in single-file, and made it abundantly clear when I planned to shoot over to the turn lane. Sure, I still got hit by a car, twice, but the law was on my side in each case. When you ignore the rules of the road, you ruin it for the rest of us by creating an image, a stereotype, for which many motorists have only contempt. I mean, why should the SUV soccer mom "share the road" with someone she thinks isn't going to follow the same rules?

And you motorcyclists on your Harleys and crotch rockets, if you want me to look twice to save a life then I suggest you try going the speed limit, quit weaving between cars and stop riding the shoulder in traffic jams. I'm happy to look twice, but that doesn't give you the liberty to put me in a position that jeopardizes our lives. I once spent a night in jail and lost my driver's license for drinking and driving on a scooter (yes, only in Boulder). When I told Officer Bill Palmer that it was just a scooter and that my big, rusty 1976 Chevy Blazer with its "Your taxes pay for rape, torture and murder in Central America" and "I [heart] golf" bumper stickers was parked safely at home, he said, "It's a motor vehicle, son." If that 50cc Honda Spree Scooter can be considered a motor vehicle then I suspect your motorcycle can be, too, so treat it like such, and I'll do my best to look twice to save your life.

No, freedom is not free; however, it's been proven that the military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan were not started in defense of American freedoms. What happens in Kabul has no impact on our freedoms, unless, of course you take into account the loss of our civil liberties that were imposed upon us not by the enemy but by our own politicians, such as wiretapping and the Patriot Act. In fact, no modern war was fought because our freedoms were actually in peril. We only got into WWII after Pearl Harbor and there was no way Japan or Germany could invade the US. Korea and Vietnam were ideological wars: stop Communisim at all costs! And the Gulf War did nothing to secure my freedom of speech or press, although it did help to secure access to oil in the Middle East so American car companies could continue to make gas guzzlers. Oh, and it angered a certain Osama bin Laden. What happened on 9/11 did require a military response but at no time were our freedoms in actual jeopardy. You're right, freedom is not free, but there is a huge difference between protecting freedoms and protecting American interests, which is what all our modern wars have been about.

I suppose you're right in claiming that Jesus does save, although I have my doubts sometimes. Thing is, isn't there something about not using His name in vain and still you stick a gaudy sticker on a car bumper with His name on it? Come on now, show the man a little respect! Do you seriously think a sinner such as myself is going to be driving behind you, read that sticker and think, "You know, you got something there. I mean, if it's on a bumper sticker than it must be true! Hallelujah!"? If you want to get The Word out, try doing good works, living a good life, and if you have them, teaching your children the same. Earn my respect for your beliefs; don't sully the man and His message by sticking tacky stickers on your car.

And as for visualizing world peace: visualizing whirled peas is more realistic.