Our neighborhood kids, or "the kids" as we call them, clearly prefer Ida to me. It's not like I yell at them to get off the lawn or to turn that racket down or to stay out of the flower beds. I'm just not very warm towards them, cautious.
When Ida's home they can usually expect some sort of treat, perhaps gum or popcorn; a glass of water or milk; and occasionally she lets them play video games on the PlayStation. When she takes Boo for a walk, the kids sometimes follow her on their bikes or scooters. They all call her Miss Ida.
Enter me. Last week the kids came bounding up the stairs and rang the doorbell. Neither one of us wanted to deal, so we didn't answer the door. The doorbell rang again. Then they knocked on the door. Then they started ringing the doorbell in rapid succession. I went to the door, yanked it open, and before they could finish asking, "Can we play with Boo?", I said "Not today." They're kids; I figured I didn't need to give them an explanation. "Sorry, not today." They looked at me rather stunned-like and then ran down the stairs and across the yard. I felt good.
The other day I was mowing the front lawn, and when I stopped to empty the bag, I hear someone yell "Is Boo home?" I told them he was but that I was kind of busy at the moment. I started the mower up and soon they were on the lawn, so I stopped the mower. "Is Miss Ida home?" No, and I'm not sure she'll have time when she does get home. Start the mower again. A kid comes to my side; I shut the mower off again. "Can we play in the front (meaning on the driveway)?" Fine. I start blowing leaves and grass when a kid comes towards me. I try to ignore him, but have to shut the blower off. "Can we play with the rockets?" Rockets? What rockets? I don't know what your talking about. Kid leaves and comes back with a squash racket. "You mean racket." Fine, I tell him, but don't lose the ball.
I finish with the front and tell them we can now go in the back to play with Boo. The kids go running towards the back door. Don't open the door, I tell them, I'll get it. They try opening the door. One of them tries to go in through the dog door. Don't go in the house, I repeat; I'll get Boo. They back off while I open the door and close it behind me to get Boo.
Then I was watering the area where I'm trying to grow some grass. The kids tell me they're thirsty and want to go inside for a glass of water. I tell them they can drink out of the hose. They say they want glasses. I tell them they can drink out of the hose. They line up and I let them drink out of the hose. One kid tells me it was the best water he ever tasted. One kid says he has to go to the bathroom. I ignore him.
Later, they're sitting in the chairs on the deck and want to know if they can play video games. I say no. One kids tells me Miss Ida lets them, and I'll tell him she's nicer than I am. He doesn't argue. Then he says he has to go to the bathroom. I give him that 'Yeah, right" stare, and he says, "No, really." I say fine but they're using the bathroom and that's it. I leave the backdoor open. We're back outside. One kid says he hears a car, that Miss Ida is home. Thank God. They run to her. I return to the yard.
Nowadays it's not wise for a man to be alone in a house with neighbor kids, and so I don't put myself in that position. That's why I left the door open. It's OK for Miss Ida to give them candy and cake since she's a woman. How would it look if they told their parents I was giving them candy and cake when Miss Ida wasn't home? You have to think about these things. So, it's not so much that I'm a grumpy old man as it is I'm protecting myself. But if those kids keep throwing rocks at my new fence, Miss Ida will soon be protecting them from the wrath of Old Man Dickinson!
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